I haven’t updated in what feels like forever. 2013 was a great year for me emotionally. 2014 started off a bit rocky and it’s been up and down ever since. I feel like blogging helps put me back into my happy place so that’s what I’m going to focus on. I’ve recently distanced myself from someone who I thought was a really close friend. He was, at one point. This friend was there for me through my ups and downs but things changed, as they do in life unfortunately. I just wasn’t getting the same amount of energy I was putting into our friendship and it started to feel one-sided and unauthentic. Sometimes space and reevaluation is all you need. I don’t do well with broken relationships or friendships. It takes a lot for me to open myself up to people and allow them in my life – to give them unfiltered trust. I felt hurt, almost betrayed, by this friend because I felt that I have been there for him through all the rough patches he had been through in terms of school or relationships for as long as I have known him and vice-versa. Whether he feels the same way is entirely a different story. It started to take a toll on my happiness. I was conflicted between letting go or trying to work on it. I tried to communicate how I felt but it resulted in no change. Thus, I made the decision to close our chapter no matter how much I really didn’t want to. This continues to be a uphill (but sometimes a downhill) battle for me.
Getting over friendships are just as hard, if not harder, to get over than romantic relationships. Giles from Livestrong.com shares some steps on how to get over a broken friendship:
For many people, friends are more like family: they’re there through all of life’s ups and downs. This can make losing a close friend as devastating as breaking up with a long-term partner. Sometimes friends simply grow apart and find they have little in common anymore. Unfortunately, a friendship may also end due to a disagreement or betrayal. Getting over a broken friendship takes time and patience, and may require facing up to some difficult truths about yourself and your behavior.
Seeing or speaking to your ex-friend is not going to help you get over your broken friendship. This may be difficult if you decided to end the relationship and she is repeatedly trying to contact you. Stay strong and remember the reasons the friendship broke down, advises Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., psychologist and author of “Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend.” Focus on other friends and embrace all opportunities to make new connections that come your way.
Accepting the role you played in the demise of the friendship will help you get over what happened and move on. Blaming the other person for everything will only make you feel more angry and bitter. Think carefully about what caused the friendship to end and consider how you could have acted in a different way. This may help you when it comes to future relationship problems.
Share Your Feelings
Don’t suffer in silence if you’re struggling to cope with the loss of your friend. Talking to other friends, relatives or your spouse about what has happened can help you come to terms with it. Try to get things off your chest without complaining or portraying your friend in a bad way. This won’t help you to move on or help others empathize with what you are going through.
After you have given yourself sufficient time to emotionally detach yourself from the relationship, seek closure by sending your ex-friend a message. Leaving things on a bad note will make it more difficult for you to complete the recovery process. Send her a message, either by phone, text or email, to let her know you bear no hard feelings and you wish her the best in the future. Recall the good times you shared and the ways your friend enriched your life, suggests Levine. Remembering the friendship in a positive way is much healthier than viewing it as a failure.